What Motherhood is like

The other day I was sitting at the dinner table with a group of close friends having a great time playing wheel of fortune. My 18 month old was standing on the bench with me buck-naked waiting for the bath his dad was getting ready for him. Suddenly, he starts peeing full stream under the table. I yelled in surprise and just automatically put my hand out to catch the pee mid air.  Of course, he continues to pee, and I’m just staring at my unsuccessful attempt at catching it before it lands at our feet. Everyone had a good laugh including my son.

And that is what motherhood is like. One moment I am a free agent, never once considering intercepting someone else’s bodily fluids with my bare hands, and then next I’m holding a cupful of pee without even a second thought. You change in ways you never expected, never considered, and sometimes never wanted.

Maybe rage enters your life alongside side your newborn and the deep unwavering love for them. Rage you never experienced pre motherhood. Maybe you struggle with crippling guilt or intrusive thoughts that keep you up at night checking the baby. Maybe the image you had of yourself gets so altered you don’t know who you are anymore. And maybe you also love deeper, feel more connected, and more spiritual than you ever did pre-baby. No matter what motherhood is like for you, we all get cracked open, and it’s a journey to find out who is inside.